Rage: Justice for Hope Witsell

Posted on | January 8, 2010 | 2 Comments

Warning that is not: There will be cussing and inciting to sexting in this post. Read it anyway.
Coy disclaimer: This is a rageful rant. Feel free to discuss the issue and how wrong (or right) I am in the comments, mindful of the guidelines; I might recant some of it upon reflection and a nice cup of tea but then, you know, I might not.
Actual warning: Could be self-harm triggery.

A nude photo of a 13-year-old girl’s breasts, sent by her to a boy she liked, made the rounds at her school. She became the focus of wide-spread slut-shaming and bullying, including sexual assault. The school punished her. Her parents punished her. Her friend says she “knew” it was “her own fault”. Eventually she committed suicide.

And you think this is about fucking sex-texting?

Even as I read that article, getting rather emotionally invested (okay you caught me), one part of me kept going, “stop saying this is about sexting, stop it, stop it” – as if she was to blame, as if it wasn’t this whole fucking sick circus of slut-shaming that seems a lot of the people involved thought was somehow okay.

Cara of the Curvature posted about it and said a lot of things that needed saying, including that the problem is not Hope’s sexting but the malicious, non-consensual spreading around of that picture. I say that’s only one of the problems, though.

The problems should be obvious, yes? But since they’re apparently not, let’s write them out.

1. Boys or girls or anybody else should not give private photos meant just for them to others.
2. Kids should not tease, ostrasize or shame girls over having seen her breasts.
3. Or forward the picture.
4. When bullying starts to happen at school, parents and teacher should interfere with a fucking slegdehammer. And that’s a sledgehammer aimed at the tormentors, not the tormented.
5. Schools! What the FUCKING HELL. You do not punish the VICTIM. (Though, as I recall, this is the norm. Growing up, I remember it was always the kid was being bullied who was picked for “counselling” and not the little turd that did the bullying.)
5. When a child is disturbed and unhappy enough to self-harm, you don’t immediately take away her only way of coping and expect her to go cold turkey. You find out what’s wrong. You help her. It’s really fucking hard to get over the impulse to self-harm (note: triggery link), and this girl needed a lot of release.
6. Parents need to tell their children – all of them, tormentors and the tormented – that bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. Having them doesn’t make you dirty. Liking boys doesn’t make you less worthy, and neither does sexting, and you should never let anyone else say so. Slut is a derogatory word for a woman who likes sex and WE SHOULD NOT HAVE SUCH A WORD.
7. In a word, then, what is the problem? SLUT-SHAMING.

How is this not a no-brainer?

This girl was told on one hand that being sexy is good and gets you noticed, and on the other that she’s a worthless slut for doing something sexy. She tried to comply, was eaten alive, and nobody stood up to defend her, to say she was not to blame. And now it’s a problem with the teen culture of “sexting”?

You know what this makes me want to do? Post nude photos of myself online. Just to show the world it’s not a big deal. Just so I can look someone in the eye who might try and mock me for it and show them I’m not ashamed, and tell them exactly what I think about the attempt to make me feel like I should be.

Not sure it would work out that way, though. The photos would probably find their way to a chubby chaser site or Something Awful and turn from my statement into someone else’s tool of objectification. And, okay, maybe I AM a little bit ashamed of my body, for reasons that tie into both fat-shaming and slut-shaming. I only wish I was immune. All I can do is not take part, and to defend.

Goddamn.

Fuck this shit.

Rating 3.00 out of 5

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2 Responses to “Rage: Justice for Hope Witsell”

Amazon
January 8th, 2010 @ 4:48 pm

I’m pretty sure there are already nude photos of me online. :-)

Also, this?

This girl was told on one hand that being sexy is good and gets you noticed, and on the other that she’s a worthless slut for doing something sexy.

That’s it, right there. That’s a big, HUGE part of why I hate my own damn culture.
We’re stuck in this awful double-bind as women where we’re “supposed to be sexual(ly available)” AND that’s what “makes” women worthless in the eyes of the over-arching cultural narrative.

I fucking HATE it!!!
Hyel
January 8th, 2010 @ 6:05 pm

I’ve seen some of those photos! They’re gorgeous. :D

As do I. :( I kind of enjoy subverting it through an unrepentant lack of grace; I like sex and sexiness but that doesn’t mean I have to live up to anybody’s fantasy, even the hivemind of, I don’t know, Elle Magazine or whatever. I don’t even want to be anyone’s fantasy, so I wear whatever I damn well please. I do appreciate your struggles in enjoying dressing up pretty, looking pretty and sexy while also rejecting the assumption that you’re doing it to please some imaginary, judging eye that would hurt you if you didn’t.

Rage: Justice for Hope Witsell

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